MissUndercity

RHONJ: Teresa and Joe Giudice fraud, innocent children and why I think Joe Gorga hates Juicy Joe

Wow.  This is really sad.  I mean at first I was laughing my ass off…but wow.  I always knew Teresa and Joe Giudice were about as legitimate as Tareq and Michaele Salahi (White House Party Crashers…lol) but I’m pretty sure that they’ve managed to create a whole new level of hubris.

President_Barack_Obama_greets_white_house_crashers_Michaele_and_Tareq_Salahi

Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten these goofballs…(Official White House Photo by Samantha Appleton, public domain).

If they get away with this I can’t decide if I’ll lose all faith in humanity or be catatonically in awe of their epic ability to avoid all responsibility and consequences for their actions.

I mean it’s funny to laugh at Teresa’s narcissism and Juicy Joe’s stupidity on tv…and what we see in a reality show might be edited, partially scripted or altogether staged…

…but this is some pretty heavy real-life type shit.

I’m disappointed.  Not because Teresa or Joe ever fooled me into thinking they were sincere about anything but because this is sick.

Bad Decisions and Ugly Furniture

People make bad choices every day but it takes a special brand of person to chose money over family…or to bring four beautiful children into the world while living a felony.

Janice Dickenson Kissing

…thought I’d break up the heaviness of this subject with a picture of Janice Dickenson kissing.

The kicker is that Teresa and Joe probably could have had a pretty comfortable middle class life without the crime.

The other kicker is how many other children suffered because their parents’ contracting company fell victim to the Guidice scam?  How many college funds were lost?  How many lives were shattered so that Theresa and Joe could spend $60,000 in cash on gaudy furniture…and sit in their living room, hi-fiving each other sipping that repackaged Arbor Mist (spoiler alert, it’s fruit flavoured low alcohol wine…rofl) Teresa calls “Fabalini” …

Ok so I made that last part up…

Why Joe Gorga hates Joe Guidice

Scratch the silly jealousy issues between Teresa and Melissa…

I think THIS was the elephant in the room every time Joe Gorga and Joe Guidice were within 20 feet of each other and Joe Gorga held his tongue out of respect and love for his sister.

Really, this indictment puts a lot of things that happened on the show into perspective.

All the stuff with Teresa’s parents notwithstanding, I wonder if Joe Gorga didn’t introduce Joe Guidice to his contacts in construction only for Joe Giudice to proceed to screw them all over and act like nothing happened…

RHONJ Juicy Joe Giudice confused face

Joe Giudice channels Phaedra Parks as he does his best to look confused as fuck when being asked a question in plain English…

Putting on Airs vs Stealing…

It’s one thing to lie about being rich on TV…everyone does it (‘spot the fake Birkin’ is the world’s best reality tv drinking game…except during RHOV…where u run the risk of passing out in the first 10 minutes…HAHAHA)…

…it’s quite another to forge wage forms, lie on mortgage applications, stiff contractors, not pay taxes and laugh all the way to the bank while filming a television show bragging about how much money you spend.

RHONJ Theresa Guidice cleavage

I really hope, for her sake, that the wallpaper isn’t ACTUALLY made of gold (but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is…HA).

Crime is not Fabulous.  Lies are not Fabulous.  Stealing is not Fabulous.  Forgery is not Fabulous.  The word Fabulous and all of it’s derivatives should file a restraining order against Theresa.

My Prediction

They’ll play stupid and cop a plea deal, she’ll play victim (yawn) but I don’t see them getting divorced.

Joe might do time and get deported (he’s an Italian citizen), she’ll get probation and/or house arrest so she can stay home with the kids.

They’ll try to sell the rights for a TV Movie and book deal only to be reminded that it’s illegal to profit from crime…but somehow they’ll find out a way to do it anyway through a book that serves more as a passive aggressive response to Melissa Gorga’s “Love Italian Style” book than an actual description of over a decade of crime.

Denial or an Act?

Oh, and I don’t buy for one second that Teresa’s in denial.  She knows exactly what’s going on…and so do the kids…

Ever wonder how whoring your 12 year old out on Twitter could bite you in the ass?  Yep, this is it…assuming Teresa cares about her kids’ feelings…and I’m assuming she does…  Those poor kids’ll have to attend boarding school in Siberia to get away from jokes about this in the school yard.

…in 10-15 years Gia’s going to write a book…and it’s going to be a best seller…HA!

Read the NY Post article about the indictment here.

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