Hells Kitchen: The Enigma that is Susan Heaton and Celebrity Resume Padding on Reality TV…

“I don’t understand how she’s made it this far!’ ~Ja’Nel expresses her frustration at Susan Heaton’s magical ability to avoid elimination in Hell’s Kitchen.

Hells Kitchen Ja'Nel cussing

On American television they fuzz out the mouth when someone cusses in addition to bleeping the actual word…lol.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

You know that one person in the starting line-up of a reality show that isn’t as qualified as everyone else but for some reason you also KNOW they’re going to make it really far…and not in the inspiring kind of underdog way but in the annoying as hell “slipping under the radar undetected because someone else always stands out as worse and gets eliminated instead” kind of way…?

I don’t know why this happens but my best guess is that they’re related to a producer or the cousin of some random celebrity and they go on the show to pad their resume because they really don’t have the education or the experience to actually qualify for the job in real life.

My theory: Susan was only on the show to get a black jacket.

How funny is it that the two episodes on which Gordon Ramsay didn’t eliminate anyone also happen to be the two episodes where Susan stood out as a frontrunner for elimination.  The other episodes she’s almost nonexistent except for when she shouts stuff to be heard on camera.

Hells Kitchen Season 11 the final five Black Jackets

Gordon Ramsay said he was only giving out four black jackets, but then he gave five! Susan was eliminated after getting a black jacket…interesting (not really, but you get my point HA!).

It did look like she rocked the meat station once but really I haven’t seen her do much else.  She is very smart I’ll give her that.  Susan is very well aware of when Chef Ramsay is in the Red Kitchen and carefully times her communication so that he doesn’t hear her say she’s fucked up.

Fake it ’till you make it

Her timing is off, she doesn’t have general knowledge, can’t cook lamb, and looks at pressure cookers and rice cookers like they’re something out of Star Wars.  You don’t need to go to college to be an amazing chef but you should at least have a passion for food.  Come on!

As someone who has no culinary background whatsoever it’s obvious to even me that she’s faking it till she makes it.  I’ll take that back if she ACTUALLY finishes culinary school after Hell’s Kitchen, but she won’t.  After the show she’ll become an apprentice with some celebrity chef and get some job based purely on name recognition.

These “resume padders” usually don’t win (but sometimes they do…I called the winner of MasterChef USA on the first episode…and that’s why I don’t watch it anymore…) but they do get far enough to have a pretty good bullet on their resume so that they can “qualify” for an executive level job in the field in question with out actually getting the 5-8 years experience required of any other normal person.

In other words, it’s basically cleverly disguised modern nepotism.  How does someone with six months worth of community college classes get onto Hell’s Kitchen anyway?

Hells Kitchen Culinary Student Susan vs rice cooker

“Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!”

Sure, there are several jobs that require you to actually DO them…and several others that a reasonably intelligent person could learn within a few weeks given the chance to slip into the seat.  All you need are the right connections :-)

Susan will put “Hells Kitchen Black Jacket” on her resume and probably become a “restaurant consultant”…  Either that or slap her name on a bunch of redundant cook books highlighting the virtues of turkey burgers with guacamole and lettuce buns and get a show on the Food Network.

HA!  More power to her!

Final Note:

I want Mary to win…although if I worked for her I’d probably drive an icepick into my temple after the first five minutes.  How does one manage adulthood with such an unfortunate voice?

2 comments on “Hells Kitchen: The Enigma that is Susan Heaton and Celebrity Resume Padding on Reality TV…

  1. Anonymous
    January 9, 2014

    I really wish I would have went to community college for my culinary school experience then maybe I wouldn’t have over $50k in student loans. I appreciate your write up about me and I am actually very flattered.

    • MissUndercity
      January 11, 2014

      Awww looks like they misrepresented your resume on the show (what? on a reality show? Never!!) glad you have a sense of humour, cheers & good luck!

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