MissUndercity

RHONJ: Season 5 is boring me to death and Rich Wakile is full of shit.

“There’s been rumors out there that I don’t write my own blogs…and that I don’t cook.  Really?” ~Theresa Guidice

Ok.

Let’s cut the shit.

Here’s the formula for Season 5

  1. Everyone’s horrible to each other in public
  2. Everyone calls everyone else to gossip about it
  3. Theresa makes some long ass explanation of why she’s not responsible for something
  4. Rinse and repeat until retreat

If I wanted to watch a bunch of middle aged women talk shit about their in-laws for an hour I’d join a wino (pun intended) book club…

Look, just about NOTHING interests me LESS than watching Theresa Guidice proceed to type with ONE FINGER to dispel rumors that she doesn’t write her own blog.

RHONJ Theresa Guidice stares at a laptop

What? Me worry?

Have you READ her fucking blog?  It’s like SIX FUCKING PAGES of her EXPLAINING SHIT…EVERY WEEK…

Perfectly. Explaining. Everything.

Like she’s got the world’s most obnoxious timeline taped to the wall in her guest room like she’s freakin’ Jean Valjean.

Does Theresa type her own blog?  Who cares!  I think the question was, does she WRITE it…

/yawn

OMG Rich Wakile please shut up!

Oh silly little Rich Wakile, you’re exactly what happens when someone is a manager at a retail store and all of a sudden thinks because his shit sells that somehow he’s a fucking businessman.  Gasoline has inelastic demand.  Of course it sells.

Sometimes I can’t tell if he’s trying to sabotage Kathy by overwhelming her…or if he’s actually just that ignorant and truly trying to help…

On a side note, for some reason I always thought Rich was a lawyer…?  I must have gotten him mixed up with someone else like 3 seasons ago and it stuck.  Oh well.

RHONJ Rich Wakile with cheap box for Kathys canolis

Rich Wakile proposes gas station packaging for Kathy’s line of premium cannolis…poor Kathy!  She’s sunk before she starts!

Anyway…

Shut up and stop it.  Please.  Leave Kathy alone…she’s right!

…and even, albeit unintentionally you, MADE HER ARGUMENT FOR HER.

Cutting that ribbon, throwing away the top of the box…that’s part of the EXPERIENCE of Kathy’s Cannolis, it’s part of the VALUE of the product…derp.

Shit like perceived is so powerful it can even affect how a consumer thinks something tastes!  Come on, you HAVE to have seen at least ONE of those documentaries, I’m not even being elitist here, it’s just common sense.

RHONJ Rich Wakile being Rich Wakile

“I married a housewife not an entrepreneur…”

It’s like Rich is the king of McGyver support…, “Here Kathy, do what you want…with this paperclip and rubberband…see!  I told you that you were no good at building a rocket!”

You just sound ignorant as hell and I would feel sorry for you except that your ego is so obnoxious.

Hear that?  It’s the sound of at least 10,000 MBA kids writing Andy Cohen a letter.

Can’t wait for you to get owned at the Reunion or on Watch What Happens Live, it’s not a matter of ‘if’ it’s a matter of ‘when’…

…unless the Guidices and the Gorgas bring knives or something…and turn the whole thing into a terrible 4’ tall version of Gangs of New York…lol.

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