MissUndercity

Vanderpump Rules: Jax Cheated on Stassi & Admits Getting Girl Pregnant in Vegas!

Why did Jax come clean?  I’ll tell you why…

After knocking up a porn-star in Vegas and having two weeks of the best sex of his life with Laura-Leigh (who should probably get herself tested, I’d be terrified right about now if I was her…), Jax realized something, great sex will always be out there but a meal-ticket like Stassi Schroeder only comes around once in a lifetime.

Vanderpump Rules Stassi Confessional

Stassi, I don’t hate you but please know that when I say this I do so with the highest interest in your long-term well being…GROW THE FUCK UP!!!! (seriously)

Jax and Stassi broke up because Jax was actually trying to have a real relationship with her.  They only butted heads because they were trying to change each other.  Jax wanted Stassi to be less controlling and Stassi wanted Jax to be more easily controlled.

When they get back together (and they will…), Jax will be the perfect boyfriend, the perfect fiance and eventually the perfect husband (if Stassi doesn’t get her head out of her ass first)…living his real life and being himself on the side, you know, like Mauricio :P (yep, you’re not fooling me!).

Jax will act perfect because he’s not interested in a real relationship anymore.

He’s in his 30’s, he’s a bartender, a part-time model and he knows that the only way he’s going to preserve the standard of living to which he’s become accustomed is to (or have a chance to go to college while someone else foots the bill…oh, you didn’t see that coming? haha, just wait for it…you heard it here first!) humor the fuck out of Stassi.

Just you wait.  Jax is going to manipulate Stassi (if he gets that far…) into paying his way through college…I can see it now:

———-> “I want to do this for you, I thought about all those times you told me to ‘just grow up’ and I want to show you that I’m serious.  I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I have to make something of myself, better myself and feel worthy before I dare ask you to marry me.”

Damn, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Vanderpump Rules Jax is a Liar

Every time Jax wrinkles his forehead like this he’s about to act all adamant about some bullshit lie he’s just told…

Coming clean had nothing to do with being honest, it had to do with building a solid foundation upon which to regain Stassi’s trust and eventually win his way back into her life.  Stassi already knew but she didn’t have validation.  Jax gave Stassi the validation she craved regarding something she already knew was true.  In the world of betrayal validation is priceless.

Vanderpump Rules Jax lying to Peter in Vegas

Here’s Jax lying to Sur manager, Peter in Vegas. Peter bought it hook, line and sinker.

Walking away from Sur had nothing to do with doing the right thing, Jax knew it was the only way to fully convince Stassi of his seriousness.  When you think about how naive and short-sighted Stassi is, this isn’t an altogether risky gamble…

Vanderpump Rules Jax caught in a lie

Now that Jax understands the game, he’ll never get caught again!

In a perfect world Stassi would recognize the seemingly repentant Jax for exactly what he is (an opportunist running back) focus on her career, write for Pandora Vanderpump, and move on to long-term fabulousness.

Vanderpump Rules Jax and Peter in Vegas

Jax and Peter share a fist-bump in their Las Vegas hotel room hours before Jax crashes Stassi’s birthday party.

Unfortunately, it seems like (lol, seems like…) Stassi is unsophisticated, narcissistic and controlling…and Jax is ten years her senior.  She’s the perfect mark…a young, easily manipulated, rich, well connected, narcissistic child in a woman’s body…

Vanderpump Rules Stassi Schroeder

Seriously, Stassi, grow up…

All Jax has to do is keep Stassi humored and he can have all the fantastic sex he wants while keeping the stability she has to offer with respect to money, connections and friends.

Vanderpump Rules Jax leaves in Stassis limo

Like a boss: Jax crashes Stassi’s birthday party in Vegas, tries to fight her boyfriend then ditches her in HER limo with HER friends!

Seriously, the dude cheated on his girlfriend, got a porn-star? pregnant, paid for the abortion, lied about it and when she broke up with him ALL OF HER FRIENDS BELIEVED HIM and ALIENATED HER to the point where they smuggled him on a 400 mile road trip to crash her birthday party in Las Vegas.

I really don’t think there’s any question that Jax has the skill to pull this off…

The only thing that’s funny about this whole situation is that Jax probably thinks he’s the only one to have figured this out.  Oh Jax, you silly fox, welcome to Hollywood.

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