That dumb dress all the Real Housewives wear…

That’s it, I’m convinced that the Real Housewives franchise is not a tv show, its a cult.

Why do all the Real Housewives wear the same dress?

I think Ramona (RHONY) might be our patient zero…

it’s clear that when Ramona finds something she likes, she’s the “buy it in every colour” kind of girl.

Ramona liked this dress so much she bought it in every color.

Ramona liked this dress so much she bought it in every color. (i noted photo credits on each image, someone messed with Ramona’s eyes in that middle photo but I couldn’t find a better one of her in the white version of this dress lol)

Now that I think about it, the same unnecessary panels, awkward sleeves and strange bodice seams…the monstrosity above could quite possibly be another item from the same rediculously misguided designer below…

I mean it’s almost like this designer really really really really never could get the sleeve or armhole right in design school so when his patternmaking teacher lowered his grade he threw a dramatic fit screaming, “oh yeah, well no one cares about how sleeves fit an armhole, just you wait I’ll make cocktail dresses for ladies who never raise their arms above their heads!”

Either that or he/she was a contestant on Project Runway who got eliminated because the judges were unable to discern a “signature”…and he’s been making up for it ever since.

Enter the hideous Spartacus dress from hell.

WARNING: The circled part of this artfully painted Bryerton’s Roman centurian miniature is about to get beat to death as a cheap cocktail dress design element… (Photo credit: Bryertons.com)

The first time I saw this dress I was like, hmm, ok, that’s a different take on a cap sleeve.  Then I kept seeing it and it became obnoxious.  Maybe someone got a little obsessed with Spartacus and thought the gladiator look would translate well into women’s cocktail attire.

Ramona Singer has this dress in seven colors…SEVEN!  And that’s only what we’ve seen, she probably has a black one made of lace that she wears only for Mario!!!  Don’t believe me?  Scroll down!

Ramona has it in red.

Ramona has this dumb dress in red.

It’s not even that it’s altogether a horror show of a dress, it’s the fact that no matter what Real Housewives franchise you’re watching, eventually at some point during the season one of the women will be wearing a dumb dress with these dumb sleeves.

Maybe she does this so that she gets invited to more parties…because the hostess can guess she’ll never show up in the same dress as any of her other guests (unless they’re other real housewives, haha!).

Ramona also has a purple one...

Ramona also has the dumb dress in purple…

Now I don’t know about you but in a world full of amazing designers everyone’s heard of it just seems like more than a coincidence that seemingly random women from Miami, New York, Atlanta and New Jersey would be wearing exactly the same awful dress by some designer I have never heard of in an array of equally awful colors.

My dumb dress brings all the housewives to the yard...

RHONJ Caroline Manzo, Melissa Gorga and Jacqueline Laurita join RHOM Anna Quincoces and RHOA Kenya Moore as the latest victims of the draped neckline version of this dumb dress.

Honestly if someone told me that Ramona was sewing each of these dresses herself and negotiated to have them featured on the show for a couple of seasons before she launched her dress line…I’d believe it.

Ramona's dumb dress comes in white, royal blue, and oh dear god is that purple satin?  At this point she has to be trolling us...

Ramona’s dumb dress comes in white, royal blue, and oh dear god is that purple satin with her chicken cutlets showing? At this point she has to be trolling us…

The seams on most of them make my eyes bleed.  I certainly hope that while this designer makes his name with that dumb ass signature centurian cap sleeve that none of these women are actually paying to look like shit in what essentially mirrors some manner of etsy home-made design disaster.

Ramona pours herself a glass of pinot while modeling both a blue and a green version of the dumb dress.  Note the horrific seams and ill fitting arm hole.

Ramona pours herself a glass of pinot while modeling both a blue and a green version of the dumb dress. Note the horrific seams and ill fitting arm hole.

…the green dress has loops for a belt.  Do you see them?  Why the fuck didn’t the marketing team have this photoshopped out?  Seriously.  Considering all the other photoshop that’s going on here they can’t say, “oh we didn’t photoshop that out on purpose because we want Ramona’s realness to shine through.”  Also, that left arm hole on both dresses.

If this was Project Runway this dress would get someone eliminated.  No, I’m not confusing design and execution I’m saying both are less than satisfactory and have already received more attention than they deserve.

I’m going to go ahead and call this one out.  Either this designer is related to someone powerful enough to swing a castmate’s wardrobe or he/she is blackmailing Andy Cohen.  Or perhaps it’s a secret uniform for the Real Housewives cult…you know, the one where you drink cheap wine and tell everyone what you think of them and then act surprized when their feelings are hurt…

Yeah, maybe I just realized that the only difference between watching the Real Housewives and evesdropping at Wal-Mart is the fact that everyone’s wearing a cocktail dress (or really awful satin shirts with oversized collars, cuffs and gaudy neck jewellery, *ehem* I’m looking at you Miss Vanderpump…but that’s another post).

Holy shit, funny how things come full circle like that.


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